


Picked Up

by lextenou



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Everybody Lives, F/F, Pick-Up Lines, Rampant Pop Culture References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 06:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lextenou/pseuds/lextenou
Summary: The Agents of the Warehouse find a passing shrewd manner of killing time: a pick up game of pick up lines.





	Picked Up

**Author's Note:**

> Pete's "nice shoes, wanna fuck?" is a real pickup line, used by my wife. It worked. Not on me. But it did work.

"Newton could have written the Laws of Motion about your butt."

"Whoa, geek alert!" Pete Latimer waved his hand, his crooked grin infectious to anyone except the woman he was teasing.

"Like 'come with me if you want to live' is any better." Myka Bering shook her head, one finger raised to waggle at him in censure. "Nuh uh!"

Claudia Donovan grinned, relaxed against the couch. The ice clinked softly against the sides of her glass as she gestured to H.G. "Spill kemosabe. Were you all repressio back in the day or what?"

H.G. Wells blinked, her head tilted to one side as she grasped Claudia's underlying meaning. "I enjoyed numerous encounters. However, none were particularly...imaginative in their propositions. I've since determined that it's far more entertaining to simply make them up."

Rubbing his ear, Pete tried to wrap his brain around what H.G. was suggesting. 

"You make up pick up lines. For fun." Myka's flatly amused tone succinctly summarized the situation from her position leaning against the side table.

H.G. dipped her head in confirmation. When her gaze flicked back upward, H.G. immediately locked eyes with Myka. Her slow smile held a tinge of the salacious. A small wave of the hand accompianied her raised eyebrow as H.G. deliberately dropped her voice just enough to make Myka lean in. "Is that a book you happen to be reading? I wrote a book once. Shall I read it to you over breakfast?"

Myka's sudden full blush was worth the catcalls that were erupting around them. Pete was dancing in the corner of the room. "She got you! You should see the look on your face!" Pete flashed the devil horns hand gesture at H.G., doing his best impression of Gene Simmons and his lolling tongue. "That is totally better than the one my squadmate used." Swaggering up to an invisible woman, Pete overplayed a leer. "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

Myka snorted a laugh through her nose as H.G. shook her head, a quiet smile curving her lips. "You have got to be kidding. That did not work."

"It did! More than once!"

"Liar."

Pete raised two fingers in the classic salute. "Scout's honor."

Claudia scoffed. "Sailor scout, maybe."

Pete pointed at Claudia. "Those skirts are a pick up line in physical form." 

Shaking her head, Myka turned her attention back to the woman who had sent them rabbitting down this hole. She'd recovered enough from the embarrassment and flattery to come up with one of her own. "H.G." Waiting until she saw the keen intelligence focused on her again, Myka smiled and sighed, playing up the dreamy fantasy in her tone, "I wish I were a derivative. Then I could lie tangent to your curves."

Claudia squeaked and slapped her hands over her mouth, her shoulders shaking with laughter. Pete looked back and forth between them, squinting in the way he always did when he was trying to figure something out. As for H.G.'s reaction...

Her face felt aflame as the heat of her blush spread across her neck and chest as one of her eyebrows arched upward. Her gaze dropped to Myka's lap, fixing on the long fingered hands that clasped together loosely. Inhaling with studied slowness, she shook her head. Her shaky smile was hidden behind the curtain of dark hair that fell in front of her face, shielding her reaction from all except Myka.

For someone who was such a capable flirt, she was remarkably susceptible to flirtation. At least, when it came from Myka. She hadn't thought the coquette had it in her. The situation simply would not do. With steeled resolve, H.G. reconnected her gaze with Myka's and smirked confidently. Smoothly, she responded, "You must be the square root of two." Her smirk widened to a wicked smile. "I feel decidedly irrational when you're near."

Myka's pulse quickened at the challenge that sparkled in H.G.'s demeanor. So that's how she wanted to play it. Very well. Myka hadn't made it this far in life by backing down from a challenge. She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees, one hand tracing idle patterns in the air as she spoke. "I memorized the first million digits of pi just to be able to trace them on your skin." 

H.G.'s raised eyebrow was quickly becoming an expected response, as were Claudia and Pete's sitcom responses. Pete's current exultation was the classic rising inflection "ooooo!", his hands cupped around his mouth to funnel the sound at H.G. Myka was pleased to see that the blush high on H.G.'s cheekbones hadn't disappated. Neither had the set of her shoulders.

"Clever." H.G.'s amusement sparkled in her eyes and she shifted forward in her seat, leaning toward Myka. A good three feet still separated them, the air beginning to grow heavy with innuendo. Neither really noticed, far more entranced in trying to out do the other. "When the book of my life is closed, there will be a chapter for you. Shall we make it a novel?"

Myka ignored Pete and Claudia, her eyes narrowing at the infuriatingly composed Helena G. Wells. That was it. The gloves were coming off. She stood, straightening to her full height. Helena's dark eyes tracked her movements closely, intrigue tightening the edges of her mouth. Myka sauntered to the couch, her swaying hips keeping Helena's eyes rapt as the distance between them was reduced to mere inches. Myka perched a hip on the arm of the couch, her leg folding slightly, her calf pressed against Helena's knee. Her hand slid across the back of the couch as she leaned in, her arm brushing against Helena's shoulder. The rest of the room had quieted, almost as though the world were holding it's breath. 

With a soft, intimate murmur, Myka wove her killing blow. "From the first time I saw you, you've been watching me. Whenever I turn around, whenever I look around, there you are, waiting for me to notice you." Myka leaned in further, her mouth close enough to Helena for her quiet words to stir stray strands of dark hair. A shiver danced along Helena's skin as Myka spoke. "I've noticed." 

A tilt of the head back exposed the length of Helena's neck. Their eyes connected. Energy thrummed in the air between them, Helena's presence reaching through the air to wrap around Myka's consciousness. Quietly, intently, she breathed her rejoinder as a benediction. "I waited in bronze for a hundred years to be able to steal a few moments madness with you. I'd wait a hundred more just to be granted your touch." The air tasted thick against Myka's tongue as she stared wordlessly at the watching Helena, scant inches between them. 

This was entirely too real.

The door slammed open, breaking the spell that hung over the room. The bustling from the hallway echoed loudly through the house after the enforced hush of their interactions, mumbled masculine mutterings reaching them, tinged in distracted annoyance. 

Straightening up, Myka called out casually. "Hello Artie."

Artie paused in the doorway, his bag hanging open in one hand, a crumpled piece of paper held in the other, wrapped around his keys. Pete was gesturing at the two women on the couch, as though that would explain everything. Claudia was giving him a wide eyed look dripping with shock and awe. Myka leaned against the couch, one arm reaching behind H.G.'s head and propping her up, the other resting in her lap. Helena's inscrutable expression was turned to Artie, her body looking almost forcibly relaxed. "What's this?"

"Dude." Helena cursed silently that Claudia would be the one to respond first. "H.G. and Myka. Dude." Claudia turned to Pete, who was nodding furiously.

"Totally Bad Girls."

"I know, right?! I was thinking they were gonna liplock and be all warrior princess and her spunky sidekick!"

"You do know we can hear you." Helena casually flipped her hair over her shoulder. "And no. There is such a thing as discretion." Myka had turned a wide eyed gaze on Helena as soon as she began speaking, her mind a whirl with what had just happened. With what they had just done. And more importantly, with what Helena was intimating.

Artie inhaled, preparing to speak. He never received the chance, as Claudia jumped, backhanding Pete's bicep. "Oh my God, do you think they're going to create an Artifact from all this UST?"

Myka's brow furrowed in confusion, her mouth working silently. Helena was not so hampered. "What the hell is UST?"

"Cha. Unresolved Sexual Tension."

"I am not gagging for a shag!" Myka's head snapped to stare at Helena in yet more stunned shock. 

"Gagging for a shag?" The words had come out as a dumb repetition of Helena's statement.

Pete held up his hand for a high five. "International Man of Mystery." Claudia met his hand with a resounding slap. "Oooh, does that mean H.G. is all International Woman of Mystery?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! And she and Myka are gonna be all Jane Bond and-"

"That is enough!" Myka stood, her confusion and frustration reaching it's zenith. She could feel Helena's gaze on her skin, as solid as a touch. "It was just pick up lines! Nothing happened!" Myka looked between her friends, desperately hoping she could believe her own words.

Helena's wry tone dashed her hopes. "Only because Artie forced us to reach a premature climax." Myka's head whipped around at Helena's choice of words, a rebuke forming on her lips. It died unspoken at the sight of Helena's thinly veiled irritation. This was so not the time.

A wordless cry of exasperation erupted from Myka, punctuated by her hands being flung in the air. She turned on her heel and fled the room in long strides. Rising in calm composure from the couch, Helena dipped her head to the others. "Do excuse us."

With that, she followed in Myka's wake, intent on finishing their conversation. Perhaps this time, they could speak true words.


End file.
